I Will Write

I Will Write

A man approached me at a time
When I was low and life was grim,
He asked if I for him would write,
I said, “I’m sorry sir, my words are dim.”

He said, “That’s fine but would you try
For me to write just one poem?”
Surprised I looked him in the eye
And said, “Fancy words, I’m sorry sir, I simply just don’t know em’.”

He said, “Alright, well, I’ll let you be,”
Then I continued through my night,
After a moment though still he
Asked if I for him would write.

I said again, “Sir, I’ve feeble speech,
I’m full of flaws and I’ve no ink,
There are others with more learned techniques
My tongue’s too dumb, I’m cursed I think.”

He asked again though if I would write,
But this time he used a speech so fine,
He said, “I’ll cause your words to be so bright,
More so than the stars that shine.

And in your night which was mine too,
You’ll see your cup of ink is full,
For I’m who you’ve been praying to,
And your words with me are remarkable.

All I ask of you is this,
That you scribe the words given from me,
You can’t see yet how you’ll be blest,
But I know you wish to be set free.

I testify that they’re in the sky,
They’re in the Earth my Eternal Word
I’ve blest you through your dreary night
So you can hear what yearns so to be heard.

Scribe for me this day and be
Set apart from others who
Dabble in decaying creeds
And write for me what you know is true.”

“Forgive me Lord, of course I will!”
I heard and then broke down and cried,
“I will and see these words distill
And for thee My God, forever I will write.”

-Jacob Winterfeldt

Ripple of Water

While I was sitting alongside the pool in our apartment complex my mind was caught away in stupendous thought. I sat contemplating in my head the question of who I am. I came to the conclusion and then reflected on words given by an authority of the church whose name evades me at this time. But I remembered him talking about how we are at this very moment exactly everything we have every done and said. We are the outcome of countless choices and decisions we have made from the beginning of our very own existence. That got me thinking about decisions I’ve made in my life and where they have taken me and how they have changed me. I wondered about certain things that I would maybe have done differently and other things that I want to be in the future. I thought about what exactly I do want. But I say, one thing that I have learned by the very grace of heaven is that I don’t want anything other then what my very own God wants for me. I would be deluding myself to say that I desired something more immediately important then God’s will, which in my mind is a scary thought. When we are willing to sacrifice our own ideals, thoughts, and even relationships to seek the will of the Lord for us in our life that is when God seeks to bring to pass the deepest desires of our own hearts. It’s a testimony of true love. An example I’ll share is if loving parents know what it is that one of their children really wants for their birthday; upon observance before bestowing the gift though the parents witness a submissiveness as the child sacrifices his ideals for maybe another sibling or a less fortunate friend. After all is done and said the parents don’t want their child’s sincere sacrifice to go unrewarded so with the powers given them as patriartical keepers of their offspring they bless the said child with his original desire. But it is not the physical gift that is the blessing, it is the process in which got the child to be willing to give it up in order for another to be happy and to be submissive and willing of the consequences, and having enough understanding that their own wants don’t mean as much as the desires of others. All in all what I’m getting at is that I want the will of God to be done in my life regardless of sacrifices I need to make, and any one of an endless possibilities would be what I desire if it’s what He wants for me. But it brings it full circle and because of my willingness I need to figure out what it is that I truly do want. And whatever that be I believe I have the ability to bring it to pass in my life which is a daunting thought. Because of a desire that I had once upon a time I was brought to my knees wholly confiding in the one thing I knew to be real and subjected my will to His, and let His will be done, now I would have it no other way, accept now I know that He desires to bless me but since that day of complete subjection I don’t know what I want other than His will for me, so now I feel like I need to find out a sincere desire that He can bless me with, but at the same time I don’t feel worthy of any such blessing. I am in a quandary and I need to figure things out so I suppose I will pray. I do struggle with so many things that I would deem unworthy of someone who confides in God as much as I do, but I do confide with all of my heart every night and I know that He knows my heart.
While I was soaking my legs in the water I cupped some water in my hands and threw it up into the air. As the water separated and drifted apart from its original body creating individual water droplets I had a thought that has never occurred to me before as the water fell back into the body or the pool. Each individualized droplet upon making contact with the pool water created a ripple, a wake. Perfect circle but the ripples collided with other ripples creating a distortion and causing them to create more and those ripples bumped into others and those into others. If for the moment I could compare our lives to these ripples, I would say that simply by existing we create a ripple around us, choices we make, make the ripple bigger and those choices affect others around us making a change or impression on them which in turn cause a changed ripple to touch another ripple from somewhere else. Everything we do impacts those around us and our decisions through them impact in a lesser degree others around them and it continues out to such a refined change into eternity creating the world and days that we live in. Even our thoughts impact those around us for they are not simply in our head; they project outward from our bodies even as air is exhaled out of our lungs. I believe so much can be done for the cause of good even with the slightest of changes we make in our lives, and when truly thought upon about what goodness really is.

My Ghost

My Ghost

In my room I saw a ghost,
Standing next to my bed post,
My soul to his wholly engrossed,
My room to him a grateful host.

His body faint, almost not there,
His presence calm, demeanor fare,
No breaths he took, he need no air,
No other sight I could compare.

No malicious feel or evil intent,
What did this soul so represent?
There was in the air a probing scent,
I knew not why he was so sent.

Almost he stood there unaware
That I could sense his true despair,
“I am here,” I did declare,
His story he did start to share.

I listened with much eager ears,
To this wandering soul’s most vivid fears,
If he had eyes there would be tears,
For he’d been lost for many years.

In his place I had once been,
I would never want his lot again,
The sight I thought of who I am
This soul I could never condemn.

Strange what in him I did see,
Things I saw in him I saw in me,
Amazing how different we all look to be,
But the soul though must oft times agree.

My heart was touched, I felt his beat,
E’en though he like I was incomplete,
Grateful am I, this man I did meet,
A searching soul, so tender and sweet.

Some not knowing what is there goal,
Lost as white sheep in a field of coal,
Like my ghost who bore this heavy toll,
Just know that great is the worth of every soul.

-Jacob Winterfeldt

All I Can Do

All I Can Do

I can only do what I can do,
And I cannot change what I have done,
I’ll write what I know to be true,
And I’ll try to finish what I’ve begun.

Though I know where I must go,
I cannot change where I have gone,
In the depths I’ve been brought low,
But a mountain in my mind’s been drawn.

I see more than just what I perceive,
As I ascend a mountain, though I’m weighed
Down by things I’d rather leave
In the depths where I once stayed.

We’re not judged as in a race,
For others up my mountain run,
But some never e’en leave that place,
I’m slow but I know I’ve still won.

I only do all that I can do,
And the soul is weighed with a scale refined,
So if I write what I know to be true,
I know I’ll never fail or be left behind.

Jacob Winterfeldt

The Grumble of Belfromhoo

The Grumble of Belfromhoo

There is a terrible beast that prowls the swamps
And occasionally treads through the town of Choo,
They call it the Grumble as it stomps
And torments the people of Belfromhoo.

Terrible stories and horrible lore
Surround the beast that walks up right,
Tales of fancy and grizzly gore
As it snatches children within the night.

Those who say they’ve heard it say it tends
To howl in the night, but howl for who?
Tales of this lone beast quickly extends
To all the corners of Belfromhoo.

They say the Grumble howls for its mate
But in a hut in this town of Choo,
Lies the skin of another that met its fate
In this small town of Belfromhoo.

Jacob Winterfeldt

Some Words for the Interested

Here I am sitting in my car under the shade of a few beneficially placed trees in the parking lot of the Memphis, Tennessee, LDS Temple. With decisions coming incredibly soon I wonder on about my current path. My boss in Little Rock said I could have all the time off I needed to make a decision concerning whether I was going to stay with them or move on with whatever it is I am contemplating otherwise. So, now I am two and a half hours out of Little Rock today to simply be next to a Temple. I do say it is a miracle, and I know that the Spirit resonates out from these dedicated and sanctified places as a light that shines in darkness. And I need to behold that light more then I need to breathe air. I wish everyone could feel it the way I feel it with a conviction and knowledge that cannot be shaken regardless of my weaknesses and struggles.
My mind is flooded with questions that my very being yearns for answers to, things that I cannot write about but rather keep inside of me to continue me on in a path of continual progression and furtherance in knowledge. I do feel inadequate in the largest degree to understand the things that I understand and to be blest with the things I know, but I can’t say that I am not eternally grateful for these blessings, I am.
I open the scriptures today and I read out of the Doctrine and Covenants; I have never read the passages in the Doctrine and Covenants with such intent as I have been recently. The words in the book I feel are almost like a spiritual, literary bridge of revelation. It makes the Bible and Book of Mormon more real to think on. It brings everything so close to home. As opposed to ancient scripture to a degree, we know these men were real living people who lived not that long ago and whose lives were written and documented by the divine miracles of God. And the things they accomplished in their lifetime is the reason I am able to visit this Holy Temple today. They testified of truth, they testified of the ancient Prophets that they were real people living and struggling and trusting in the power of prayer and divine guidance in the exact same manner as we do today. It is a miracle. It’s incredible and it’s a masterpiece envisioned by Gods who’ve ascended beyond their own mortality into an unending sphere of knowledge and creation.
I say look beyond what this life has to offer us and know what is true. Know that this life is more than just our own wants and needs. It is one step in our infancy to become as our very own Heavenly Father and Mother.
I am grateful to be blest with what I have. Gaze at the stars. Feel what is true regardless of current events and depressions that take our minds away from light. Truth is Light and Light is Truth and God comprehends all with this very same Light and Truth that we can partake of anytime we desire through doing what we know to be right and pondering on it and continuing to seek further light and knowledge. Do what is right and let the consequence follow and your way will be made straight. This thing I promise is true and I leave these words with you to ponder and scrutinize however you deem worthy. These are not the words that I would suffer to be subject to dissccreditation from any who may read. Those particular words that I’ve written are mine and sacred to me and I will not publish them.
I write all this in the name of Jesus Christ the very Son of God, amen.

Nonsence Poem 2

Nonsense Poem 2

Nothing comes easy as even this poem,
I’ve written twenty lines and erased twenty one,
I should probably end it before I go on,
I think working on this one I am already done.

So I take my hands and shut down my laptop,
And ignore the words that aren’t easy to write,
Nonsense is this poem so that’s why I stopped,
I just want to sleep now, so goodbye and goodnight.

)Jacob Winterfeldt

Writing Block

Writing Block

I jot even with a writing block,
Like a cold there is no cure
Unless you deem the stars can talk,
My words are humble and demure.

Like the stars my words are full
Of sincerely elegant designs,
Also as them unseen by the whole
By all those who can’t read the signs.

Entwined in time the ageless look,
Skyline upon line with endless poetry,
Thoughts turn like a page within a book,
And unlock a passion as if with a key.

Interlocking rhythmic realities
With texts that can’t be heard,
But the ones one feels as one reads
Mix the two together with an unseen word.

A feeling that can’t quite grasp the flesh
And take it with it to its place,
But the written word can o so mesh
The two with an unending grace.

So no dam can stop the flow
Of thought when on a rock
Stand all the things you know
E’en when one has a writing block.

-Jacob Winterfeldt

Church

Have you ever listened to a talk in Sacrament meeting that you wish everyone you know could’ve heard? Today a man whom I don’t even remember his name gave an incredible talk. It was on the gathering of Israel.
I believe any talk that has been sincerely thought about and prayed over while preparing it is a good talk regardless of the person’s physical ability to speak in public. Those that pray and put sincere thought into their words while speaking even when they aren’t very good public speakers are some of the most thought turning and spiritual Sacrament experiences. For this reason it is, as opposed to those who are confident in there speech in front of others, the shy and tongue twisted who get up there and give everything they have without slinking away by ending their talk as fast as possible provoke a feeling that one does not receive from those who confidently spew facts and bear almost robotically smooth testimonies. Those who continue to bear their shy tongue twisted testimonies in public start to gain a divine confidence that was not learned in a public speaking class. This type of situation floods ones soul with humility and it is witnessed before the entire congregation which in turn floods the room with the spirit for all to feel and take in.
This man however was not shy and tongue twisted but he also didn’t pompously spout off facts. It was incredibly obvious to me that this man had a divine testimony of the Gospel which caused him to have a continuous desire to keep learning and practicing his faith which ultimately leads to amazing and almost tear provoking talks.
This Sunday resulted in me thinking about a lot of my own personal issues. For one, I have concluded that I have a bad habit that I need to break. Something I do almost subconsciously is every so often I’ll pull my phone out of my pocket and check the time to see how much longer there is of church. Why would I do this? Why should I be so worried about what the time is if I don’t have anything more important than church at the time? At least to me, I feel like it is almost disrespectful and it’s something that today I at least tried to make an effort not to do, yet I still did not even thinking about it. It just goes to show that there are so many little things that we can do better, and so many things that ultimately are disrespectful that I’m not even thinking about that I do right now.
Second, I need to learn to speak up and let others know what is on my mind. So often I go over things I’d like to say in my mind so vividly that a lot of the time I end up again subconsciously whispering to myself what I would like to say out loud. Even today, I was thinking about a question that was asked in priesthood very intentfully and then after a few minutes the good brother to my right turned to me and asked, “What was that?” I quickly realized that I must have been actually speaking and replied, “O, nothing I was just thinking out loud.” Why can’t I just think a little bit more out loud so everyone can hear some of my thoughts? Well, I asked that question even sitting there in class and I concluded that I was afraid. Not afraid of how many people were there but of who was there. My friends were there in class with me and when I say things out loud that I feel really deeply about it is not usually a side that my friends have ever seen in me, actually it’s a side that not many have seen in me and because of that I’ve realized that it is easier to speak up when you’re surrounded by strangers as opposed to family or friends, which goes right into the next phase of this continuance, easy things are usually not the best things. That’s not always the case but I would definitely say in this situation that family and friends are the ones who need to hear the most your divinely guided testimony. So speak up! Think of the long time waiting, almost buried true desires that some of our close acquaintances need to be reminded of. They are there waiting and wanting, maybe unknowingly on the surface to even themselves but they are. Stir some feelings by speaking up and let your light so shine.
Well, all in all church was good today. I know there was much more that I wanted to share with you today but I am tired and can’t remember everything else right now. Enjoy your Sabbath and goodbye for now.

Conviction

Do you have a conviction of something? What if you had one that was so profound you couldn’t tell anyone, for reasons unspoken? This type of solemnity stirs the insides with passion and sincere desire. It causes one to take a moment here and there to get away from the rest of the world and look into the sky. It is awe-inspiring, but yet sad to a degree because you want others to know what you know but you know that they can’t. Even if you tried to tell them they couldn’t comprehend it to its intended degree because in the very act of speaking of this type of conviction lessens its sacredness and ultimately unravels its original awe-inspiring motives. So one must simply continue to pray for patience and continued knowledge, and continue to sigh into the night air singly while the stars look down on you and witness your faith.
I am going to say goodnight for now but I will be back with something new soon. Goodnight and thank you.

Truth is Truth

I’ve got so many poems that I just can’t quite finish. A lot of the time I don’t truly know what one will be about until I’m a distance into writing it, and then I have to go back over it and conform its main idea all into a smooth flowing limerick. But it is difficult to end a poem when there is no main point of it,(when each quatrain is making a completely unique statement not coinciding with the rest of the body,) because there is no ultimate central flow of thoughts and then I have to simply make something up for the end and try to make it sound like it tied everything together, or like profound or something… which usually makes it sound second rate, I apologize. These are never my best ones but I still try to write them as best I can because I don’t like to scrap one if I’ve already started into it a ways, I’d be like killing something. So they are just there, just waiting, simply sitting as unseen and unheard words probably hoping I’ll come back to them someday and finish what I’ve started by giving them completeness, or life. I’ve said before that I feel almost as if poetry brings to life the letters and words giving them a sense of life and character. And ultimately are we not made up of building blocks that are able to house a living, sentient soul? Our bones and muscles as letters and words creating a whole body which when completed can sustain life, the soul. I feel there is a great deal of symbolism in every aspect of life, and it is up to individuals who stand out in their fields and points of interests to make those connections and share with others. I believe this because I believe everything; I mean literally everything testifies of truth. Not only physicality’s such as trees and stars, but even the way situations work, the way emotions and feelings end up creating realities. It is a difficult thing to explain what I am trying to say even in writing without going too far in depth, but I hope you(my readers…) can catch a glimpse of what it is I am trying to portray.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, is that life abounds, in more places then we might think, and it testifies of truth and goodness. Intelligence is in an incredible way much more then how smart someone is, it is what our essence is and it is what gives our bodies the ability to breathe, and to a lower degree it dwells within animals, it is even in a single ant, and it is in plants, trees, flowers, a single blade of grass but where does it end? What feeds the blade of grass so that it can grow? Water, the sunlight, dirt? Dead things cannot beget life, life begets life and growth. Life abounds and it is what testifies of wickedness, of righteousness and all things in-between. It is how miracles can be through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. And the Atonement is the most real thing the world knows which was brought about by the most pure form of Love one can imagine. And only the Son of God Himself could bear the weight of that Love for it stretches to the ends of time and all eternity and to even the lowest forms of intelligence in their humble beauty.
Sometimes I cannot contain my excitement when I think about these matters because it is so incredibly fascinating, yet sometimes I break down and cry because it is so beautiful how it all comes together. Like the greatest artist who knows every stroke of paint and every fiber in the brush, yet can stand back and see His ultimate masterpiece from a distance before it is even finished, and the vision itself only causes the painter to strive and settle for nothing less than perfectness in the art, establishing the very rules and groundwork for even the basics of becoming a great artist.

I do say that I love the gospel, and I will never deny the things I know to be true no matter how difficult life gets, just as one cannot deny air when they are under water, I cannot deny the gospel when things are hard. I know that truth is truth and that it never changes and I know what is true, I know what is true.

Some Value

A lot of the time I’ll write for pages and then scrap it all moments before posting it to my blog. I wonder… I probably wouldn’t do that if it wasn’t so easy to just erase a whole document. One click of a button, I mean, what if I had a feathered pen with limited ink and then had to hand write on a scroll or expensive sheets of paper? Or even worse, what if I had to engrave on metal tablets my thoughts? Maybe I would consider every word I wrote before putting it down. Maybe I wouldn’t even write anything due to its difficulty…(I still would) Maybe the things I wrote would be much more thought out and important. The things everyone that chose to write would most likely be of some value because of its difficulty. Why would someone spend hours painstakingly engraving their frivolous thoughts on who the next American Idol will be? It would be a little pointless I think, for those thoughts wouldn’t last much beyond the next year, or even few months afterwards, and then what are you left with, a whole ton of work for something that didn’t even really matter in the first place. Maybe this is a good way to measure if something is of importance or not. What is something important enough in your life that you would give a great deal of your time and effort to write if writing was a hundred times harder than simply typing away at a computer screen? Maybe one would write about things that would really last the test of time, and when it really gets down to it, what would those things really be?

I Feel as a Ghost

I feel as a ghost, for I know not who I touch, or who can feel me. But yet I wander in my writings as a specter wanders the halls. Looking, searching for uncertainties that once were so vividly calling. That once held together the world of their understanding, but now it’s as if their world is not how it ever seemed. Now it’s as if the rules that were once so prominently enforced to the point of immediately damning any prospect of fanciful imagination from coming to fruition are vanished. And, “Reality,” is just a word used to describe the current state of those who would say they know where they are. But e’en at that I wander as a specter who only sees what he sees in the night as he sighs with a yearning desire to be free. But a spirit is freed from the body you say? Not so, for, wandering aimlessly with no understanding of how to obtain what one truly desires is not freedom. One must first come to the knowledge of what is truly desired, which I would say, in my ethereal wisdom, is that every soul, whether one realizes it or not yearns for truth and a sincere childlike love, companionship in its most pure form. When this is understood one prays and waits for more understanding, and this is what I wander for, more understanding of my current position of self and where I fit into a grander scheme of consciousness, for, I feel as a ghost, for I know not who I touch, or who can feel me and I continue to wander until I’ve found whatever it is My God has laid in my path. I do not know when the day will come but when it does I will thank heaven for my trials and sorrows that built my strength so as I could be strong enough to handle the blessings which will be dealt, and I know that it is irrevocably decreed from the very foundations of heaven that they will be dealt. But as for now, I feel as a ghost, for I know not who I touch.

A Ball

A Ball

As I lay in my bed I’ve a furrowed brow
While a universe in my head is colliding,
Often I pen my wonderings how
And verses come out of my writings.

Recollecting on words that I clearly remember
Vivid as red and from them I can’t hide,
All in a brightly lit night in December,
I sigh as my eyes tilt down to the side.

A blanket enshrouds from my head to my toes,
My arms wrapped around my knees,
My chin pressed to my chest as close as it goes,
The position brings with it distant memories.

As I lay in my bed I’ve come to conclude,
That closer we can get to portray
In writing the intents of our hearts mood
Then what with our mouths we say.

I reflect on a distant life, it runs
Through the very essence of me,
A heart can only be broken once
If the first time around you gave it completely.

Then after that you can love and let go,
Though still hard it sets you free I believe,
But love is the greatest feeling I know
And the greatest gift one could ever receive.

I only write to search for solace and peace,
Something I was told find in a life away,
As a lifeline that into my healing heart breathes
Words flow through my head while in a ball in my bed I lay.

-Jacob Winterfeldt

Faith

Faith

I write of faith, the sun is nigh,
I stare at the screen that glows,
I look onward and faintly sigh,
And type about the life I chose.

I wonder if things could have been
Any other way from how they are,
Or was I set for this and then chosen
In a distant life away so far?

I look out my window as it storms,
And lighting flashes in the air,
Though stormy weather o’er me forms
I know that God still hears my prayer.

But I’m not sure if I’m worthy,
Or able to be blest on high,
For pride comes so inherently
But my God I will never deny.

I don’t know but I truly hope
That God has paved a way,
I know I’ve a limited scope,
What I can’t see though I try to say.

Though I’m a fool so old and worn,
I suppose I’ve faith to some degree,
Though in me there is a deep thorn,
But with faith a thorn can set you free.

The thunder rolls and shakes my house,
And it’s black as death outside,
I feel a calm soft as a mouse,
And with faith in that I do confide.

From the storm my house can blow away,
I know it was not on a rock,
Though uncertain of the coming days
I press forward with a sturdy walk.

I write the things upon my heart,
Though attaining it’s a hefty call,
I strive for good within my art,
And I know my words will never fall.

I wonder if good I even do,
Or if good for someone I’ve ever done,
And if so I so wonder who,
My joy shall be full if it be e’en one.

Am I even worth a single verse
In the Great Poet’s Book of Life?
I suppose I have a way with words
Cut from my heart as with a knife.

I said of faith I’ll write tonight,
So just like it were the rising rays,
Faith comes from the dark to be so bright
And guides you through the coming days.

-Jacob Winterfeldt

An Untold Little Tale

An Untold Little Tale

I’ve a short little tale, to tell a task,
As I sit waiting oft I ask,
When be the day, or when be the night
When all is told, when all is right?

When everything is again restored,
When what is me peace can afford,
Or when I see whither I will wend
Toward what degree all time I’ll spend.

A tale of something so refined,
A unique tale much intertwined,
Much like the fourth leaf on a clover
But you’ll never know for this ode is over.

-Jacob Winterfeldt