Ultimate Goal

How can we know what we are supposed to stand for if we don’t know what our ultimate goal is? We might come to conclusions about things that we feel strongly about but we must ask ourselves what is the end of that conclusion? Where does it ultimately lead? I believe one of the greatest reasons we are here on Earth is to learn to continue on and bring life into our place. Life is the continuing staple in the universe and it is the ultimate goal. Just as we join together and create life here we will in realms to come create life eternally in ways we don’t understand yet. This is how you and I are here right now. Our spirits were created by our Heavenly Father and I testify that it is done in similar fashion in the way our physical bodies are created. There must be two to bring about one and it must be the appropriate types of two. There are things we struggle with in this life but if we finally break down and not only dabble with but wholly and utterly agree and support these ways of wrongness there will be a day when we will be wholly damned to progress any further, and that is not a good place to be. That is an eternal truth regardless of anyone’s convincing argument of their special situation. So, I ask, how can we know what we are supposed to stand for if we don’t know what our ultimate goal is? I promise you that your goal is to not hinder creation regardless of any physical, emotional, or psychological struggles, and I also promise that a human life is the most incredible creation there is and we are endowed with the sacred abilities to bring it about when the two appropriate types come together. One can stand and argue their situation as long as they want but when you know what an eternal truth is there is no compromising you’re opinion because it is not an opinion, it is an absolute. That is why people and prophets have been murdered, beaten, mocked, spit on, and hated throughout history and throughout the scriptures which are a history of God’s dealings with man, because they won’t deny what they know is true, and not only won’t deny it but will profess it to the world. We are children of God and we can become like Him and create our own spirit children and that is true. Now, do you expect people that know that to be true to denounce that by preaching ways of living that will not lead us to that point? We can in no way be blessed with Eternal Salvation if we support a damning lifestyle. It is contrary to the very laws of God Himself. We can struggle with things just as people struggle with anything but we mustn’t let those struggles determine what it is that we ultimately stand for. If you are member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints you must certainly believe President Monson is a prophet of God and that the Quorum of the Twelve are seers and revelators as well, and if you don’t than don’t raise your hand and sustain them as such. They speak the truth no matter what. They speak what is true regardless of the world’s views and standpoints and they will die and be beaten, and be spit upon for those truths, but I say they don’t face those issues today, they face public criticism from the very members which sustain them as Prophets. But I testify that there is no way one of these men will apologize for a truth, they will utterly apologize for their own weaknesses in the flesh but for a truth they will not, because it is truth that sets us apart from the world and we will not compromise or exploit truth for selfish purposes in any manner. Truth is truth and it can’t be changed no matter how many people protest and picket and gather outside sanctified buildings. Calamity in the world is starting to boil and definite sides are being drawn, this is the time where we must get off the fence and either support what is true or not. Support truth or be caught up in the tides of worldly views and criticism. There is only one way that will lead to peace and goodness, and that is the way God has been trying to get his children to understand for eternity. There is no life in supporting death. Do what is right and let the consequence follow. That is it.

Time for Business

It’s time to get down to business and start my life. I feel like a little child learning how to do everything over again because I feel like my life has just started. It’s almost like I don’t even remember a huge portion of my early existence in this world. So, I might feel a slight handicap because it seems like everyone else has already had years of experience. All I know is that I am where I am now and I’ve got to be as proactive as I possibly can in order to catch up. I’ve taken my epic journey and though I’m not sure I found out what it is that I am looking for it was definitely well needed and a good way to start off my new life. It’s like a breath of fresh air after you’ve been in a dark room under the earth for six months. I say so often that I only wish I was better at things but that time of wishing is over and the time of bringing to fruition those dreams is at hand. Though I am about twenty four years late I’ve got the rest of my life ahead of me to accomplish anything I desire, and I’ve a better idea now than ever before what it is that I do desire. I know what I believe is true and I believe in the principles of goodness. The principles of goodness works regardless of weaknesses and I know I can become who it is I’ve dreamt I will be with those principles. I only thank God for my family and friends who have looked at me and said to themselves, “Wow, Jake is kind of crazy and weird but I think he’s a good guy, I’ll help him out and give him a chance.” So I try my best to be friends with other crazy, weird people, because I relate to them.
I desire several things in my life, one is I desire to be educated, to know the world I live in and to know the hearts of the people I associate with. Another is a solid career in which I can make a decent living whilst being completely self sufficient. But I say the thing that I desire the very most is something I had when I was a little child, a goodness that you mostly only see in children. I lost that somewhere a long time ago and those others things that I’ve said I desire became useless to me because I didn’t have the very most important thing there is. I became cold and depressed and totally miserable with living and so I lost everything important to me there was, the church, best friends and family, a general health and well being and almost my life, but most damningly I lost simply a desire for anything good or a desire to do anything for that matter. How can you recover from this type of hell? It was a hell for me and I wanted to die. But I love life now, I love this world as well, and though I’ve struggled with being absolutely negative in general toward other people, I love people. People are what make other people happy, not things. So when I say I feel like a little child I am totally alright with it because it’s what makes me feel alright inside. I was looking for a miracle and I got one, I got a ton. And I’ll be outright expressive about this when I say I am a selfish person because I still need more miracles to help me out through my upcoming journeys. The only thing different now is I know how miracles work and I know how they come about which gives me an absolute confidence in the future. I am grateful and I am true in my heart. My goal is to be more on the outside the things that I write which come from inside. Basically act more like how I write, and if I can do this I’ll always be alright no matter what.

The Penrose Steps of the Gospel

The Church is True.

How do you see invisible text? hmm.

We never get our moments back. I suppose this means that we need to always be extremely careful about how we spend our time. We need to watch out for how we talk to people and treat others. Though every moment is important, I don’t mean specifically in general everyday situations, but rather we need to be careful in those moments that utterly change lives. Like I said, we never get another chance to handle those times. It is all just one moment after the other and before you know it it’s ten years later and you still find your self repeating words in the wee hours of the night that were said once upon a time in a life away. Words that so easily bring up memories that you’ve been told to forget about, but I say forget about what? I think we need to remember because people forget too easily. There will come a time when we all remember everything, when we recall all of our own mistakes clearly and not only that, but we’ll get to witness the unseen consequences of them in the night and we’ll see the secrets that enshroud through this world. I only wonder how this will change our lives at this time of reckoning. What will happen? What will change ultimately? Will we forgive? Will we forget when there is an actual, absolute truth to forget as opposed to trying to forgive and forget within the very shadows of darkness itself? How can there be true forgiveness when there is no light to be shed upon the matter. And how can there be a true rectification when the very consequences of an action utterly impede the acts necessary to complete the process? I’ve concluded that there is only one way a situation like this can come to any alright conclusion and that requires a completely divine witness to balance out the weight of the circumstances and make such an act truthful. One thing more I’ve concluded is that I truly am grateful for the intelligence of God to be able to place his children in these times of incredible decision making. these times of incredible feeling and consequence. These times are about us and yet they are about others at the same time. My Mission President once told me that yes, we serve a mission to bring others to Christ but ultimately our missions are about us, they are there to make us better in all things, to build our own character and to strengthen our own selves through strengthening others. Like I’ve talked about before, the gospel is a seemingly contradictory statement in and of its self, it’s a paradox, a paradox with an x-factor that makes it possible with the key stone of love. I don’t mean to bring a negative connotation to the gospel by saying it is a paradox. I simply use that word to describe an infinite loop that is what makes everything possible. Christ used examples and parables to even say what I am trying to reiterate, the least shall be greatest, “He that is ordained of God and sent forth, the same is appointed to be the greatest, notwithstanding he is the least and the servant of all.” How can you be the greatest yet be the least at the same time? Well, simplicity is the ultimate sophistication... Being the least is what gives you power and it is that infinite line one must walk, or in other words it is those Penrose Steps one must travel in order to be the greatest, and it is only accomplished with a true love that is the key to connecting the loop, the Steps, yet also continue progressing forward and upward. Without love we will continue to veer in an endless monotonous circle of nothingness, being neither the greatest or the least. A paradox, an infinite love, truth, all of these things are what bring about the seemingly impossible to fruition and into reality. Nothing is impossible, it’s just a matter of realizing what everything is. Also, it’s a matter of knowing what you truly want to make a reality, the key word there is ‘truly’, and coming to that knowledge not only is a learning experience but it helps us see what it is that we really do want and what we really do want to make possible. There are things we want in single moments, then there are things of the soul that we yearn for and those are the things that are possible no matter what they be. The key is love and the reason being is everything wants to be loved, I mean literally, everything.

The Smell of Books

Well, here I am sitting upon my bed getting ready to read a new book I just bought. Yep, that’s right, I bought a book. The Life and Faith of Henry Eyring, Mormon Scientist. I was sitting upon my bed less than an hour ago pondering upon life and trying to figure out where I need to go and what I need to do when I had the sudden urge to walk through a book store. Not many know this and it is slightly strange I know because I am not much of a reader but I absolutely love walking around book stores more than any other stores there are. I think it is the atmosphere that is absolutely appealing, they are always so quiet and orderly, not to mention they have a distinct smell which I secretly love..weird. So, I often walk up and down the rows of books picking out a few and maybe reading a page or two than moving on to the next one that catches my eye. But this time I actually bought one, one I truly intend to read all the way through this time. I think I secretly have a deep seeded desire to read all sorts of books because I am attracted to them in every way I can think of. I think it is this person inside of me that I am yearning to be but am too blinded by the dubious rigmarole of life. I struggle with so many aspects of this world I live in. I love this world but I just can’t get it right. I don’t know how to live in it properly and make it work for me. I would like to think that my inner sincerity, regardless of my slow, improperly functioning body will eventually pay off one of these days. When everything just falls into place and is just right and I can continue unhindered to progress along this highway of life. I think now is a good time to admit that I truly do have a slight handicap. I’ve been trying to get people for years to believe that I have a mild speech impediment but alas I am also slightly slower than the regular folk. I think it has to do with years of not sleeping properly. All I know is most of the time I just want to put my head down and have someone pull my hair. It works great for headaches; just trust me on this one. I am what I am though and I truly would never want to be anyone else even though I wish I were better at certain things that I am not very good at. Well, my dear readers, thank you for your silent support and goodness. Any time I write it just feels good inside because I know that regardless of my exterior demons, I can write about goodness, and I truly hope I have touched someone by the things that I’ve written.

I, like everyone else just want to be happy. That’s all.

Who I Am

Who I Am

As I watch the sun dip down below
The horizon when it leaves my sky
I wonder if it waves hello
To another who sees it like I.

The stars I am so truly fond
Of the way they twinkle silently,
I wish sometimes I could respond
And I hope sometimes they gaze at me.

I, like the lake am full of weeds,
But I hope I reflect an image clear
To any who look into me
Of who they want to be so near.

And O, the moon in its glory,
It loves to sooth the weary stressed,
And write to them a true story
Filled with peace and needed rest.

O, now I see, O, now I know
Why the stars twinkle and shine,
And why the sun dips down below
The profoundly drawn horizon line.

And why the lake reflects so true
And why the moon aids from afar
I know why those things now they do
Because that is who each one they are.

If only I had something grand,
Something special that made up me,
Maybe then I’d see who I am,
And who I could so truly be.

-Jacob Winterfeldt

Letter to the Universe

You know, I’ve never thought much about God, but with the weight of the universe resting squarely upon my shoulders I couldn’t help but think that if I messed up what the big deal would be? Everything would be over and there would be no more anything, so how could I ultimately be to blame if space just zipped out of existence. That comforted this burden somewhat and an awkward smile crossed my lips as I sighed slightly from the somewhat ridiculous task I’ve been assigned to manage. It seems that the sheer mass of the outcome from what would shortly come to pass based off of my unlearned decisions didn’t press upon me with its full weight because of that very reason. Either everything would still be, or it wouldn’t, and none would be a critic nor could be of my attempt to save everything that is. Also, I figured that if there is any reasoning to this whole fate slash destiny thing then if I truly tried my best, which I absolutely intended to do anyway, then the very fabric of space itself would lend its infinite helping hand so that I would ultimately end up saving the universe from utter annihilation. But if destiny is no such thing then I figured I’ve got about a fifty fifty chance of making sure all of humanity and any other bits or forms of life throughout our universe would be able to wake up tomorrow morning as if nothing ever occurred. No one would ever know either way I thought. How could they? I was slightly un-intimidated by this calling of mine until my mind caught hold upon a somewhat disturbing thought. What really will happen if I fail? Everything is gone, right? Well, what if there is an afterlife that exists on a finer plain than what we can see here. I didn’t much like the thought of being eternally blamed by the intelligences of countless souls for letting all of their physical, eternal elemental existence be destroyed within a blink of an eye. But hey, if there is life after death then there has to be some sort of an infinite God utilizing an all intelligible form of knowing and perfect controlling of all substance in any fashion, so my soon to be endeavors have to ultimately end up saving the universe…there is no other option. It must be my divine duty to perform this task. It must be my destiny, right? So why should I even worry if that is the case. Well, up until now, you know I’ve never thought much about God, but with the weight of the universe resting squarely upon my shoulders I couldn’t help but think that if I messed up what the big deal would be? Everything would be over and there would be no more anything, so how could I ultimately be to blame if space just zipped out of existence. Uhh…Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have to know it without blatantly thinking and acting like it will happen, and even being afraid slightly that I might mess up. That’s how this whole thing works I just realized. Like a light or something flicked on in my mind. I can’t be arrogant about it yet I have to know it. I can’t just stroll into this endeavor half heartedly because I believe the universe will be fine even though I know it will. I have to persuade the very makeup of everything with my true sincerity, my sincere desire that the universe won’t just zip out of existence from my own mistakes. This just put a little bit more pressure upon my mind and my heart. It’s almost like this is a very unique paradox, one that I can’t quite explain but rather feel, a paradox that perfectly exists and balances out all of creation. That’s it, I have to love. I have to truly love the people that might not exist tomorrow. It’s love that is the paradox in which all things are and can exist and continue. And there has to be an ultimate love to keep it perfectly balanced which I can only image now must have carried with it an equal amount of un-love, or unrest or suffering, which as of now I truly can’t imagine how that must have been performed or carried out. It must have been incredible. I, at this point don’t understand its completeness but I think I understand the basic concept of it and it curiously has brought with it a burden that I think now that I need. How great will this burden become as I continue on with my coming choices I do not know, but I know that I must now at least solemnly keep on proceeding towards this event of incomprehensible consequence. I don’t know how to explain it any clearer then how I have put it, so it is up to those of you whom I truly hope will be able to read this tomorrow to feel the meanings of my words that I’ve written now by pondering upon this paradox of sincere love. I leave this letter with you now in hopes that it will be read in the coming days. I have a duty to perform now and I’m grateful for my new insight upon my approaching decisions. You know, I’ve never thought much about God… But I think He must love us.

The light at the end of the tunnel

Light at the end of the tunnel

The light at the end of the tunnel

I have something to say concerning this saying. People might often use this as an expression of almost being done with something that is very drudguous. Like when the end of something that was very difficult to do is finally in sight. However, this term is also used quite a bit by people who have had near death experiences, or have actually died and then come back to life, which is where I believe the term derived from. I need to be very careful about how I write the following so just please bear that in mind. The light at the end of the tunnel is seen by many who claim to have had one of these death experiences but I don’t believe there is a tunnel at all or that the light is in the distance by any means, even the near distance. When someone is closing in on one of these experiences the consciousness starts to lose grasp upon our mortal senses and is able to perceive things of the fine spiritual nature more easily. I ask what is the finest, most truest thing in the universe and or any realm, state or being of any universe? It is truth itself which is the very finest light that exists. This is what God is entirely filled with and God is alive not dead by any means. When we go through this state of death a blackness enshrouds and totally envelops us, and our very core existence of who we are yearns for a light to save us, so within the black darkness of the bands of death itself what is there? What is this light at the end of the tunnel that people claim to see? It’s not something outward of them which is in the distance, it is what is them themselves, it is what is within each and every one of us right now, it is the light of truth, it is the light of Christ. When we die our perception changes to what our consciousness itself sees which is not what our mortal eyes see and when we come back to this mortal life we try to interpret what we witnessed and to our level of being and understanding here on earth we interpret the best we can of what our consciousness saw into our worldly ways. When there is death, or darkness that surrounds, if there is one little light it looks to form walls of a tunnel and the light is in the distance but it is not in the distance. We are not seeing a light in the distance, we are seeing ourselves. It is here with us, inside of us right now. It is truth which lies within the very makeup of who we are, and all of the false ideas and wrongs that envelop this world are all the doings of the physical arm of man. The natural, greedy, ungodly, desires of the flesh smother this light within us and cause so much strife and pain and confusion among everything in this life. There is an ultimate truth and it is within us all if we could but see it. There is so much symbolism to our existence here. So incredibly much so that everything testifies of truth and light. We are light, this is why we are told to let our light so shine. Even our physical bodies are made up of the stars from the heavens and so is our soul made up of the light of truth and knowledge. The parallels are infinite because there are no bounds to Universe. So, rather then there is a light at the end of the tunnel, we should know that there is a light within us which is who we are and if we understand who we are we can more easily understand the right and wrongs of what the world will have you believe and I cry for those in the dark who don’t understand this eternal truth. The light within us is bright, I testify of that and it shines in the dark. It shines forth towards those searching wrongly for the light at the end of the tunnel. They are looking for something outward when it is inward they need to look. It is there, it is what we are, it is intelligence in its truest form of being. And we are intelligence of a very high order and degree. Truth is truth and light is light, and I testify that what I have said is true. It is.

New pics

New photos on my pic blog poormanofgrief. Check em' out!

Time for Understanding 2

I often find myself in a dimly lit room somewhere in the United States pacing back and forth speaking into the omnipresentual night air(and making up words to describe what I mean) letting it absorb my ever growing knowledge on that topic which is so incredibly fascinating to me. My mind races as electrical energy speeds through the almost never ending corridors of thought searching for and sifting out the falsities that are so prevalent in our modern society which are so entirely responsible for so many terrible conflicts in any degree of being across the world. I say, I do say that science’s confliction with religion, and religion’s debacle with science is, in the world an ugly and ultimately irresolvable war. People who exercise an unwavering faith in their religion are almost mocked by certain branches of science, such as those considered Evolutionists who dedicate their lives to the research of linking humanity with primate species and de-evolving us back to the primordial ooze from where the first single celled organisms found a way to reproduce themselves, while religion in general, in my opinion, often pound sticks into the ground and drape blankets over their heads and pretend that what scientists have proven to be true are not a reality because it stands in utter opposition to their church’s core belief. Who is right in this case? The further along in time we progress the more understanding of our world and universe is uncovered by science, but religion, like I said before, in general, is falling apart at the seams because of this scientific progression. Faith in nearly any organized religion might seem almost foolish for those people drifting around in this ever changing world while science in itself becomes a religion to those who study the various branches of it. This war of faith versus raw evidence is a brutal one, not only for those caught in the middle but the reason being is this, the more one side wins, the more it actually loses. If you could follow me on this it makes perfect sense, simply understand it. Let your heart feel the truth in this matter as opposed to the raw facts. This is when we can understand, this is when the mind becomes sanctified by truth and knowledge, and this is when science and religion work in perfect harmony with each other as opposed to tearing at each other’s very skin. I ask the very question, who is God anyway, other than the ultimate scientist. In the words of Stephen Hawking when referring to the expansion and evolution of humanity throughout the cosmos, “Masters of the Universe.”
The thing that science doesn’t understand yet, is that it itself is continually searching for ways to be like God. Ways to understand and use the laws of the universe for our own benefit and progression, while on the other hand, the thing that, for the most part, religion doesn’t understand yet is that God isn’t a supernatural, unknowable being that no one can ever understand or comprehend. When it all comes down to it, it is simply a matter of understanding, and that is going to be the key for humanity if it ever wants to marry the two seemingly opposing views into the perfect Oneness that sets the essence of a being onto the path of Godhood. I don’t believe though that in our lives humanity will realize this fact, but it will be realized for those who are willing to be enlightened by the truths that are profoundly established within both the scientific realms and religious circles. God walks the razors edge of science and thusly is God. Science doesn’t even know who it looks up to and religion doesn’t know where their basis for belief even lies. Combine the two, than ponder on it and one’s mind is opened to see things that once slept in the dark while it dreamed of being realized and brought to its undeniable light. The truth is out there, it really is, just find it.